Friendship and Red flags..How to navigate

"If you see the red flag flutter too many times it's time to uproot the flag" 
A friendship is meant to make you feel secure and strong.
Pre teens and during teens kids invest in friendship emotionally.

During teens when at times the world comes crushing down its the friendly banter with a friend which often
 helps teenagers tide the troubles.

"A friend in need is a friend indeed" ..a most common quote ,yet no other quote defines friendship better.A friend can do, what no one else can do during stressful teenage  times or as a matter fact during any phase of life.
,
A friendship forged during teen times in school or early college years stays permanently all through life. 

However as teens one can be overly dependent on ones friends.This can lead to clingy behaviour, giving in to the unreasonable demands of friend and relying excessively on the validation of friends.This eventually leads to irritation and depleted sense of self worth.
As teens our kids should be able to decode red flags in a friendship and if more than three to four checkpoints are ticked , they must face the bitter truth and move out of a such a friendship.
Let's decode few prominent redflags..once decoded...
Uproot the flags  and move away from such a friendship 
1)When friends  often cross your boundaries and cross limits of decency.
2)When  they bully you and tease you knowing well that it hurts you immensely.
3) When they break your trust and spread and share your inner most feelings and heartfelt secrets with others without remorse .
3)When they mock you incessently infront of new friends and lesser known people, making you feel small and uncomfortable.
4)When their needs are always on top of your needs, a sure shot red flag .
5)When excessive money barrowing takes place without any sense of gratitude and subsequent non  return of money, kindly spot the red flag.
6)When the teenger 's self worth is undermined repeatedly andhe/she  feels ashamed of one's  self ,just drop the friend.

There are number of many such red flags which teens need to keep an eye on before forging into any friendship or even while having a strong bond .

One way to tackle these redflags is to put across relevant points with force  and make the other person understand how one feels and why one feels betrayed.
The second way is to gracefully exit from such a bond because such a  friend is not worth your time and effort.
Generally teens look for sense of belonging and comraderie in friendship.Hence , when they feel that a friend is traumatizing them they feel  a sense of betrayal .

A teenage boy/girl is already facing and undergoing tremendous amount of harmonal activities and bodily changes . During this stressful time they look for succour from their friends. When during such tough times they face red flagged friendships they are left baffled and heartbroken.
As a parent we can contribute positively and connect with our child during  only if we are mindful and are present to listen to the child without judgements and verdicts .
The teenger should feel no matter what happens with  friends  parents will stand by him and will not betray him /her ever.
This sense of trust will help the child navigate a difficult friendship and sense of losss.
As parent we must slowly start preparing our kids from mid school level for such situations and fallout  in life.
We must keep talking about the importance of self worth and self reflection.
Remain connected with your child to spot the red flags .
Patience and positive out look will help us  help our children.
Even if we are colour blind we can spot the redflag ...We need to feel it.
Let's teach this art to our  children.




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